Salon posted a great list of 10 bands I will be forced to listen to in Hell. I don’t necessarily agree with any/all of these (ahem, PEARL JAM???!!!), but I enjoyed the concept. Especially since, let’s be honest, we’re all going to hell for one reason or another. So, here is the soundtrack of my own personal hell (in no particular order):
1. Ace of Base–I didn’t understand “The Sign” in the 90’s and I still don’t understand it now. I don’t understand it’s popularity or even the core conceit of the song. It makes no sense. “I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign”. OK. Which sign? Was it a STOP sign? As that is the only sign that I can think of whenever I am subjected to this song.
2. Barney–I had a completely rational hatred for Barney when I was a child that has reignited since I now have a child old enough to ask for Barney by name. Thankfully, he is too interested in Thomas the Train to be distracted by a big purple blob who sings about loving me and you. For now…
3. Enya–Between Enya and Ace of Base, you can safely say that I have a problem with New Age-y Europeans. Just listening to the gentle vague sounds of my emotions makes me want to puke all over the crystals and incense that must be near the speakers spouting out this crap. I avoid massages for this very reason.
4. Creed–Ugh. There are few things worse than rock bands that take themselves too seriously. Add in the near universal assessment that Scott Stapp is a jerk and the Christ-like comparisons and you have a combination that is completely intolerable. Keep in mind that Axel Rose takes himself too seriously and everyone thinks he’s a jerk, but Guns n Roses is awesome. So, it must be the comparing-oneself-to-Jesus-Christ-in-a-rock-song thing that gets me.
5. Foo Fighters (post 2000)–Dave Grohl, a super nice and extremely talented guy by all accounts, was one third of one of the most influential rock bands of all time as the drummer in Nirvana. When he embarked on a solo effort (the rest of the band joined after the release of the first CD), I was unbelievably stoked. Some of the lyrics and hooks were a bit amateur-ish on the first outing, but the Foo Fighters had huge potential. They’ve had a string of radio-ready singles over the last 15+ years. But the Foo Fighters were never anything more than a serviceable frat house band, something that has become more apparent as the band has aged. Their newest single, something something heart beat something, drives me to change the radio station within a single chord of recognizing it. I just can’t bear to listen to aggressive mediocrity in the face of Grohl’s potential brilliance.
We are --
We work hard; we play hard too.
And we drive our husbands crazy --
We can't all be trophy wives.